Memorial

One of my great dreams was to be a military pilot. A Spitfire pilot, in the Battle of Britain, to be exact. It seemed worth the risk of death to be able to down a few Nazis, and the plane had the same name as a sports car I loved, both sharing a country of origin. I was severely disappointed to learn that the Battle had been won without me, and that there were no Nazis for me to shoot down.

My grandfather Ranville was at the landing on D-Day. I had always thought he had spent his time below decks on a Navy ship, safely away from harm. Turns out that he saw more than enough, including the bodies of other young men, floating in the tide around his boat.

Just a few short miles inland, the town whose name we carry, Ranville, France, was the first town liberated by paratroops dropped in the night before the invasion. Ranville was close to river crossings that had to be taken and held (the town itself was not the target). A small band of men took and held it, turning back the greatest tank army the world ever knew. Today, it is one of the sites frequently visited by D-Day historians and tourists.

In between my grandfather and those men holding those bridges, thousands of young men died. Many are buried in and around Ranville, a site famous for its WWII cemeteries.

Sometimes, I still feel quite bitter about missing the Battle of Britain, or the jump in to Ranville, or the landing on D-Day. It's not so much that I want to die in battle; in fact, I really don't. It's just that what they were fighting for would have been worth dying in battle for.

I wouldn't have been ashamed to lie under a plain, white, cross, in the town that gave me my name.

Melvin: Still missing?

I wonder, did Melvin ever come back?

I bet not. I think he was the surprise winner of the booty-shakin' contest down the road, and has used the proceeds to skip town.

Run, Melvin... Run.

DeLaying Consistency and Morality

Ok, back to my political ranting for a minute: Tom DeLay was off on a tear about embryonic stem cell research. According to Mr. DeLay, "'Embryonic stem cell research is 'a scientific exploration into the benefits of killing human beings... This bill tramples on the moral convictions of an awful lot of people who don't want their tax dollars to be spent for killing innocent human life,' DeLay said." The President has also vowed to veto the bill that would lift funding restriction on this type of research. ( cnn article )

This fills me with hope! I am going to contact the Representative's office immediately to have him sponsor a new bill banning war and the death penalty. In war, we accept the killing of innocent civilians, including a disproportionate number of children, as collatoral damage that is a necessary evil for making political progress (choke, cough, Iraq! ). We know that war kills some innocent human life in the hope of saving other innocent human life, and that can't be right. After all, we have proof that those civilians, even the ones that aren't Americans, are unique, individual human beings.Unlike issues surrounding the unborn, we can all agree on that, right?

We also know that at least a few innocent people have been executed under various death penalty laws. While I applaud the persuit of justice, it can't be right to sacrifice those innocent lives in order to meet out justice against the truly guilty. After all, as Mr. DeLay so helpfully points out, it is unnacceptable to kill innocent persons to save innocent persons. It's also helpful to keep in mind that Jesus told us "there will be more joy in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who need no repentance." [Luke 15:7] Who are we to short circuit the possibility of God's redemption reaching the guilty? Many criminals repent, some even go on to lead productive lives. Also, millions of Americans oppose the death penalty, mostly on moral grounds. It wouldn't be right to spend their tax dollars on the killing of their fellow human beings.

As a Christian, I oppose war, the death penalty, and the unnecessary destruction of unborn life. It is my hope that, with allies like Mr. DeLay and President Bush, we will quickly outlaw all of these unChristian acts and create a shining city on a hill; a light to the world.

Either that, or I hope that the public finally realizes that Mr. DeLay, Mr. Bush, and their friends on the "religious" right are all playing polticial games with human lives, at every level, from the unborn, to the born, from the innocent, to the guilty, within and without our borders; and possibly worse, they are playing games with the word of God, using Him as an excuse to help build political power.

BTW - Amnesty International just released it's human rights report, which addresses what a wonderful "light" we are to the world. ( cnn article -- Amnesty International ) Do I even need to say how I feel about my tax dollars funding the torture of my fellow human beings?

Things I learned retreating:

1. One hour of silence isn't enough.
2. It's also too much when you want to talk to your friends.
3. You can always rent the movie later.
4. A plastic cup of red wine makes an interesting sound when you fumble it.
5. Said cup of wine will fall in slow motion when fumbling turns to dropping.
6. Some really ugly carpets are perfect at hiding red wine stains.
7. Friends drink with you, but good friends help you mop up when you get the dropsies.
8. My friends don't make any more sense at 2am then they do at other times.
9. I don't make any more sense at 2am then I do at other times.
10. The sun likes to be up earlier than I do,
11. which makes East facing windows a bad thing in the morning.
12. If you go barefoot long enough, you're feet look diseased, even if they're not,
13. and they eventually smell bad.
14. The Desi and Lucy bed setup sucks when you're sharing a room with your wife.
15. Tomato soup and oatmeal are beautiful if the other things on the buffet are gross enough.
16. Melvin should have come back the first time he was called...
17. Or the second... Or third...
18. It's easier to move than wait for Melvin's return, or for that lady to stop yelling for him.
19. Some people serve the blood of Christ with gusto...
20. which puts you at risk of drowning in communion wine.
21. If he hasn't seen me for a couple days, my cat fumbles my wine for me.
22. Luckily, that OxyClean stuff really does work on red wine.
23. If things get bad enough, there is always the Booty Shakin' Contest down the road.

"seek and ye shall find..."

Sometimes, eloquence is a hug from a friend when you pass on the blacktop; an hour of silence, in which you connect more with people than anytime you talk; climbing a hill; sitting on a singing bench; keeping company with a tree that looks like the cross that the most beautiful person died on; looking down on the scars we inflicted; pulling out your sketch book, and taking a painting lesson from God.

Sometimes heaven is a plastic cup of cheap wine; the company of unexpected friends; talking about making Mary's mosaic into a backsplash; listening to something about someone else's life, instead of dwelling on the problems in your own.

And sometimes, salvation is as simple as admitting to your friends that you have a long way to go; telling them how much you value them; encouraging their gifts; being brave enough to take their praise, listen to their suggestions, and let them guide you; trusting that it will all make sense later.

I see you, tilting your head: "Er?"

Don't worry about it.

Somebody shout "Amen!"

invested

Things in which we invest our time, willingly or not, take on a greater level of importance, whether we want them to or not.

Where are you investing your time?

my people

I was talking with some friends a few months back, all 3 of whom were lesbians. We were talking about an upcoming meeting I was supposed to go to, and the fact that it usually turns in to "lets vote on what to do about the gay people." When I said that it must be fun, having your sexuality be the center of debate, one of them said, somewhat bitterly, that she got tired of having to tell people about it, and that maybe the people asking should "go ask their people." I didn't take it as being completely directed at me, but it still stung pretty good. I tried to laugh it off, and pretended to hang my head, sniff, and said "I don't have a people." One of the other friends jumped in and said "Don't worry, we're your people."

But there it is: I don't have a people. I never have.

I've always had friends that were black, white, Christian, Jew, Muslim, foreign born, male, female, gay, straight, bi... well, lots of friends. I never thought that much of it. We use all sorts of off-color language with each other when we're joking, and we use real careful language when we're not. I've been teased about being straight, white, male, Christian, returned the favor; and I've sat with friends while we told each other how much it hurt to get insulted, passed over, beaten up, raped or just ignored because of one of those categories.

The longer I live, the more I realize, I was supposed to pick a group to be in. I was supposed to have "a people." I never did. I still don't.

The old man behind the convenience store counter spoke to me in Arabic. When I cocked my head and looked confused, he said in a thick accent, "Why you not speak your people's language?" Although almost no one thinks that I look like anything other than white, he saw a small percentage of my ancestry, and immediately knew who "my people" were. Just like the white guys do, before they tell me their "cammel jockey" jokes.

Just like some of my gay friends... and black friends... and Jewish friends... and female friends. They see straight, white, Christian, and male. I get identified by all the same traits that they tell me they don't want to be identified by themselves. Then some jerk I don't know will tell me a black/gay/female/Arab/Jew/whatever joke, and remind me that the straight, white, Christian guy club isn't my people either. Never has been. Never will be.

Some day, I hope the world changes. I get sort of lonely, not having a people.

The Garden

I love the Hebrew story of the creation of humans. It summarizes human history, and the human condition, like nothing else. If you seek the truth of the state of the world, the causes of suffering, and the solution, this is where you should start.

Humans were simple, loving, carefree. Happy, though they didn't know good from evil. Their state of being is aptly symbolized as nakedness. Anyone who's ever watched a baby run around in the buff knows what I mean: their full exposure is not shameful or sinful, because they do not expose themselves for any shameful purpose. Adam and Eve were fully nude because they had no reason not to be. The feeling of the sun, the wind, the rain, or even the desire they felt for one another, were all natural and healthy states. More importantly, they were psychologically nude. They had no guile, no deceit, no desire to do that which was unhealthy. It was a primitive state, but it was the state that God created them in, and if he pronounced it good, who are we to argue?

They had no wants. God had given Adam and Eve the Garden, to work and play in. Humans cultivated the healthy things of the world, just as many good people do today. Adam and Eve must have learned in the Garden. Which trees tasted best, what things were useful for what healthy purposes. We know they found sustenance, we can imagine they found medicine, and I am sure they found beauty and wonder to examine. We grow food, we learn to treat illnesses, we study the artwork of creation. Eve must have looked at the stars and asked, how did they get there? Adam must have watched a tree grow and asked God, what magic is this? The forbidden tree was not "the tree of knowledge," but "the tree of the knowledge of good and evil." It was a tree symbolizing the power God had reserved to Himself, the power of domination, of ultimate rule. God let humans name the plants and animals, a symbolic act of power over Creation, but only God gave a name to Adam, reserving the power over mankind for Himself. Only God could fulfill Adam's life, by providing him a partner, Adam could not do so for himself. God set people in right relationship to Himself, to Creation, and to one another; naked, completely open, with nothing to hide, and no shame to be felt.

The nature of the physical world is a clever snake, however. Whether it is an apple, the desire to steal, the shortcut of telling a lie, or worse crimes yet, the world tempts us into levels of unhealthy complexity which strip away our healthy nudity, and replaces it with robes of shame. It turns our healthy level of control and learning into the persuit of power. Did they start to learn which tree made the best weapons? Which plant could be used to poison? Did Adam seek to corner the market on grain so he could charge Eve a little extra for what she needed to survive? Did Eve contrive elaborate schemes to increase her wealth by making Adam trade for the healing herbs she picked? Did they, in affect, try to usurp the power of God? Did they seek to dominate creation, rather than tend it?

They broke their relationship with one another. We all too often read Adam and Eve's shame at their nakedness as a realization that sexual desire is bad. This is, of course, a terrible short-changing of the story. Adam and Eve do not realize the guilt of sexuality, but instead the guilt of dishonesty, betrayal, and letting one another down in the worst way. Rather than being partners in virtue, they have conspired to betray their God, their best friend. Like other conspirators throughout the ages, they felt shame for who they were, and probably some disgust for one another. They ceased to be one another's mirror of God's love, and became mirrors of their own failure. Continued nakedness of body or mind would be a constant reminder of their flawed state. Adam knew the treachery in his own mind, and could now imagine the treachery in Eve's; she realized her own unhealthy lust for power, and imagined Adam must have the same urge. When she saw into his mind, and he into hers, they saw real and imagined betrayals, and learned to fear one another.

Instead of following the course of simple honesty, admitting their fault, changing their behavior, begging God for fogiveness and help, Adam and Eve layered on more mistakes by trying to save their relationship with God through clever deceit, rather than through confession, forgiveness and redemption. What if Eve had begged God's forgiveness straight away? What if Adam had begged hers for not being there to help her do the right thing? If they had been able to realize their own faults and seek to make amends for them, relationships might have been saved. Instead, they began the complexity of laws, rules, requirements, in which we seek to cover our nakedness, and end up being punished for our failures. They saw the need to address their exposure, but not the need to address the real cause of their shame. How different would human life be if we sought to mend relationships before sewing clothes to cover our sins?

The Hebrew story of the first relationship between person and God, and person with another person, is as true now as it was when it was written, or, if you like, when it happened. Whether you feel that it represents facts or a glorious metaphor, or both, it is the truth of the human condition, more perfectly expressed than I have read or heard elsewhere. People were free to be in good, healthy relationship with God, one another, and Creation. They were free to enjoy God's company, to hear His voice, to walk in the Garden with Him. They were free to avail themselves of all the good things of the world. They were free to be exposed, fully seen and known by one another, without shame or fear. Humans were completely naked, and so God and Creation were fully open to them. It was only when mankind abandoned relationship for power that the beauty of the Garden was gone; replaced by fear, greed, treachery, alienation from God and from each other. People realized a fear of God's judgement and one another's potential for treachery.

Modern day people of God can read the story as fact or fiction, as they like, but they must read it as truth. We find ourselves offered the Garden, and we trade it for one apple. No level of wealth, power or control over one another or the world will ever be a big enough fig leaf. It's not the exposure of our failures that is the crime; to believe so is to make Adam and Eve's failure our own. It is only through setting relationships right that we can hope to regain the Garden.